I must start by wishing everyone a very happy new year. New year means you have a whole year of new opportunities, a new chance for happiness, a new chance for becoming something else, something that feels less. Like a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis, I want to be reborn, but for that to happen you have to give up, sink into the darkness, akin to Icarus falling to the sea. I flew to high my wings faded from my eyes. I was full of hope, full of love, full of something I had not felt in a long time. But still I fall, knowing that this is how my life will be if my heart will still lie open.
So as I sit here writing to you a curse bubbles in my mouth, a vow that can never be broken of fear of what may come. I will not open my heart to fickle things like love, I will not be engulfed with feelings again, I will live as I will die with my companionship as my best friend. No cats, no fake babies, nothing will stir my heart again from the darkness where it has been taken again, and again. This world is not mine and nor the people that inhabit it, I will create a new world from the dead hearts that occupy it, it will be closer to me than anything this earth can provide. It will hold me while I slumber, it will comfort me as I fall, it will whisper sweet nothings as I smile, it will love unconditionally, truthfully; and I will love it back.
There is no feeling that I will die anymore under the weight of my emotions, as I will love the cold, the dark, and the dead, and nothing, and i mean nothing will stop me.
...Ippen shindemeru?
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