There is only enough time to cry

Well having no feelings and making it publicly known on a blog does protect you in an emotional sense, but that is only a small percentage of what is wrong in my life. I have spent my days in a haze of happiness and fake fulfillment and not paid attention to other things that are important, namely friends, family, and work. Today is the first day of a new term at my uni and this should have been a happy occasion, seeing old friends and reliving awful xmas stories, but it has been plagued by the notion that i have spent 4 months doing absolutely nothing. Just drifting in and out of the life we call reality and a virtual one born half of computer chips and half from the imagination of someone who truly lives in denial.
So i sit here on the precipice of 2 weeks of absolute torture deluded by the fact that I have not been keeping up with my work, and I know I have a hard time ahead, and the insomnia that has been plaguing me has become a half blessing although my mind and thoughts have been diluted, and I find it hard to focus its time i need although it will not be quality time, it still is time. I know my mind will be kept from not swimming to other ineffectual thoughts to work and the stress that comes with it. My veins on my neck are jut swelling at the prospect of staring at a PC screen for any activity other than one that creates a more appeasing reality. So I say adieu, and consign my body to another week of pain and heartache, another week of dry scratchy eyes against the backdrop of world of warcraft. I'm on edge, I don't know which one ,but i do know it is a long way down, and I am more than happy dragging you down with me. Without darkness there would be no light without pain there will be no joy, in a world where absolutes reign, it is most important as to where to strike a balance.

This is how the world ends, this is how the world ends, not with a bang, but with a whimper

I must start by wishing everyone a very happy new year. New year means you have a whole year of new opportunities, a new chance for happiness, a new chance for becoming something else, something that feels less. Like a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis, I want to be reborn, but for that to happen you have to give up, sink into the darkness, akin to Icarus falling to the sea. I flew to high my wings faded from my eyes. I was full of hope, full of love, full of something I had not felt in a long time. But still I fall, knowing that this is how my life will be if my heart will still lie open.
So as I sit here writing to you a curse bubbles in my mouth, a vow that can never be broken of fear of what may come. I will not open my heart to fickle things like love, I will not be engulfed with feelings again, I will live as I will die with my companionship as my best friend. No cats, no fake babies, nothing will stir my heart again from the darkness where it has been taken again, and again. This world is not mine and nor the people that inhabit it, I will create a new world from the dead hearts that occupy it, it will be closer to me than anything this earth can provide. It will hold me while I slumber, it will comfort me as I fall, it will whisper sweet nothings as I smile, it will love unconditionally, truthfully; and I will love it back.
There is no feeling that I will die anymore under the weight of my emotions, as I will love the cold, the dark, and the dead, and nothing, and i mean nothing will stop me.
...Ippen shindemeru?